The Iron Scriptures

And King Gainzilla did proclaim unto his people, "Whosoever shall master the kettlebell shall inherit great functional strength, for it is the scepter of power in mine kingdom." Thy shoulders shall become as mountains and thy core as the foundation of the earth if thou swingest with proper form; but he who neglects the teachings of The Swolfather and swings with the back shall be cast into the realm of physical therapy and pain. Thus was it written that the kettlebell kings ruled with wisdom, building mighty warriors through compound movements.